Making the decision to end a marriage is not an easy one. And oftentimes, the time period leading up to that decision is as stressful (if not more so), than the actual leaving. I know that when I came to a crossroads in my marriage, the decision kind of made itself.
Children tend to assume they’re at fault when mom and dad break up, as unreasonable as it seems. They feel as if they had made better grades, behaved better, or didn’t misbehave, that their parents would get along better. Tell your child that they are not to blame at all. But be honest with them about the problems between you and your ex without placing blame on either of you. Explain how it is a joint decision.
Pick a time that doesn’t conflict with tests or special occasions to talk about the breakup. Be willing to talk again when your children have questions and that you’ll answer them as best you can. A break-up means the end of the life your children have known. It is a loss that they will feel deeply. Let them be honest in expressing their feelings, even if it’s uncomfortable for you.
Tell your children the things that are going to change, and how the family will be dealing with these changes. But, more importantly, stress the things that will stay the same, i.e., their bedroom, house rules, and your love for them.
Listen with understanding when your children vent anger, or seem dejected and aloof. Try to encourage talk at those times, to let them know you care, and that their feelings are normal. Support them by telling them that you’ll deal with each detail together, as it comes up.
Try to say only positive things about your ex-spouse, unless that’s totally not possible. In that case, it is better that you don’t say anything! Try not to burden your children with the issues that are breaking you and your spouse up. Children will begin to feel that they must choose, or take sides with, one or the other parent. This is not good for them or you.
By being considerate with your children about your divorce, you can ease their tensions. Focus on supporting them and they will emerge from the turmoil of emotions a lot more confident and strong. And above all, feel loved.
Written by: Ruby Mosely,Rust Built, Marketing Services
We have all heard about the difficulty children experience when they have parents who are going through a divorce. As moms, it becomes our top priority to protect our children and nurture them through this difficult time. Our expert guest blogger shares her tips to putting our children first when going through a divorce.
Divorce is the storm that creeps in, and blows your life into a thousand pieces. But there is a blessing here, you still have your life. Your heart may be broken; and your life is turned upside down. But start counting your blessings one by one, surround yourself with people you love to spend time with. Stop the pity party; if you don’t wake up, life will pass you by. You have to STAND up, and get back into the game of life.
Join The Yoga Movement at the Detroit Zoo on Sunday, June 29, 2014 for a morning of yoga, music and fun. From beginner to expert, Yoga At The Zoo! is for everyone who enjoys yoga or wants to try it.
When mom and dad make the decision to divorce, and saying ‘I do’ is no longer an option, how do you tell the kids?
Separation could be a very risky alternative, which could work if well managed by each member of the relationship. A few simple steps could make the difference.
Divorce is never an easy thing, and there’s lots of advice out there regarding how to deal with it. I think that there are three definite phases to a divorce, and have put together a list of pieces of advice based on those three stages: