Practical Advice for Newly-Single Moms

From my experience working with moms that are adjusting to a divorce, here are some of the more important themes/guidance:

• Structure, organization, and follow-through are essential in keeping emotions intact

• Admitting to yourself that you will have to co-parent and “stay above” emotions with regard to your ex-husband is necessary

• Test out and develop the best communications tactics

• Work with your child(ren) in earnest regarding ideas to make their situation the best it can be at your place and at your ex’s — helping to help him will payoff in the end

• Spend as much time as you can with your children before and after the “drop offs”

• Consider the “free time” you will have and dream and plan for it, determine some new goals for yourself

• Pamper yourself, if only taking more bubble baths, or getting periodic massages to keep the stress at bay

• Lean a little more on a few best friends and/or family member

• Enter into therapy if you didn’t while divorcing

• If you’re in a new relationship, definitely discuss in therapy

• If you’re thinking of entering back into the dating world, get yourself up to speed on everything from birth control to safe sex, to understanding the perspective of your child(ren) as you go out into the world again

• Stay as rested and healthy as you possibly can – keep doctor appointments – don’t self-medicate

• Have fun without your kids, and have fun with them!

• Do try for the proverbial wisdom of not mean-talking your ex with your kids

— Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, Marriage & Family Psychotherapist/Author